Welcome to the February 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Fears
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about parenting fears.
We all have pregnancy fears, it is just the beginning of the worry that we live with as parents. Some fears come from reading too much on the internet, some come from listening to insensitive acquaintances and some are based on the difficulties that our family members have had.
Pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding have often come with complications in my family. It has been a widely discussed and worried over theme.
They have all had some difficulties.
My mother had two daughters then had two miscarriages. It took her eight years to become pregnant with me and she needed the help of fertility drugs. She also had a c-section with me. Conversely, I was the only child she was able to breastfeed.
My aunt (my father’s sister) had two miscarriages and an Ectopic Pregnancy resulting in the loss of a Fallopian tube. She did have two healthy sons, thankfully.
My oldest sister had a healthy baby but had to have a Cesarean section and could not breastfeed her baby. I am not saying one caused the other just that those were the two difficulties she had. She had a miscarriage later as well.
My other older sister had three miscarriages, one being in her second trimester. She did have two healthy babies but had to have a Cesarean for both. She had such a traumatic and unsuccessful time trying to breastfeed her first baby that she decided to not put herself and her second through that and used formula from birth.
As I am the youngest, I have grown up seeing and hearing about these complications. By the time I was married I was sure I would be beset with the same problems and was very stressed and worried about it.
It happened to my sisters, it will happen to me…
I was sure I would have a miscarriage as EVERY woman in my family had. I had resigned myself to that fact. The problem with worrying about something like this is that it does no good. It puts stress on your mind and body and DOES NOT help.
Seven weeks into my first pregnancy, I started to bleed. I went to the emergency room and left after several hours without seeing a doctor. I was so sure I was destined to have a miscarriage that I decided to cope with it at home without seeing a doctor. It ended up being an Ectopic pregnancy and I almost lost my life.
If I had been proactive instead of resigned, I would have talked to my aunt about her Tubal pregnancy and would have been prepared for the signs instead of passing it off as a miscarriage.
When I became pregnant again everything went well but then I began to worry about the birth and later breastfeeding.
In this instance I was proactive. I knew what difficulties there could be because of my sisters’ experiences and was determined to find a way around them.
I read as much as possible about having a natural childbirth. I even hired a doula to help me give birth. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to make it there for my birth.
I was able to have two vaginal deliveries for my two boys. I did have an epidural and pitocin for both. Not as natural as I wanted but I avoided a c-section and was very happy about that.
Breastfeeding was so very important to me. It had been my goal to breastfeed my children throughout my life. Again, I researched as much as I could about the Booby Traps that women face when trying to breastfeed and the different ways to overcome the issues that could arise. I talked to friends who breastfed while I was pregnant with my first baby. I read online articles and bought breastfeeding books.
All the research paid off. I successfully breastfed both of my sons for 14 months without having to rely on formula at all. It was not all peaches and cream at first though. My first son could not latch well and I had a lot of pain. From one of the friends I talked to while pregnant I got the tip to use a nipple shield and it work perfectly for me. I used the shield for the entire 14 months and it was worth it.
If you have a family or even personal history of pregnancy complications, it is inevitable to worry and be afraid. The goal of this post is to encourage you to be strong in your fear, face the issues you are afraid of and try to prepare for them. Preparedness may ease your fears and help overcome anything that arises.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- When Parents’ Fears Escalate — If we didn’t self-doubt, we probably wouldn’t care enough about our children to struggle with understanding them. But how do we overcome self-doubt? Read advice from Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., guest posting today at Natural Parents Network.
- What ifs of addiction — After seeing how addictions of adult children is badly hurting a family close to her heart, Hannah at HannahandHorn shares her fears for her own child.
- Sharing My Joy — Kellie at Our Mindful Life shares her fear that others think she is judgmental because she makes alternative choices for her own family.
- Building My Tribe Fearlessly — A meteorite hit Jaye Anne at Tribal Mama’s family when she was seven years old. Read the story, how she feels about that now, and how she is building her tribe fearlessly.
- Fear: Realized — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen shares how her fear of car accidents was realized and how she hopes to be able to use her efforts to overcome the remaining fears to help her children overcome their own.
- I’m a Negligent Helicopter Parent — For Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow, the line between helicopter parenting and negligent parenting is not so cut and dried.
- My Greatest Fear For My Child — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits that she has struggled with not allowing her fears to control her and how the reality of this was blown wide open when she became a mother.
- Proactive Steps to Calm Parenting Fears — Every parent has certain fears related to dangerous situations, That Mama Gretchen shares ways she is preparing herself and her children for emergencies.
- Homeschooling Fears – Will My Children Regret Being Homeschooled? — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares an interview with her now-adult children that answers a question she had throughout their homeschooling.
- An Uneasy Truce — Homeschooler and recent convert to unschooling, Tam at tinsenpup shares just a few of the things she tries to keep in mind when fear and insecurity begin to take hold.
- Fearing the worst, expecting the best — Tarana at Sand In My Toes writes about fears that come with parenting, and why we must overcome them.
- Can I be the parent I want to be? — Amanda at Postilius confronts her struggle to peacefully parent a preschooler
- Out of Mind, Out of Fear — How does Jorje of Momma Jorje deal with her pretty steep, long-term fears regarding her son’s future?
- I Don’t Homeschool to Manage My Kids’ Transcripts — One of Dionna at Code Name: Mama’s fears of parenting is that she will get so caught up in the monotony, the details of homeschooling, the minutiae of everyday life, the routine of taking care of a household – that she will forget to actually be present in the moment with her children.
- Beware! Single Mom Camping — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her first adventures as a single mom. She laughed, she cried, she faced her fears.
- Parenting Fears And Reality Checks — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares her three biggest fears as a parent – that most parents share – looks at the reality behind these fears, and offers a few suggestions for enjoying parenting.
- Parenting fear : to kill a pink rabbit… — Mother Goutte tells us the story of a pink rabbit that disappeared, came back, and became the symbol of her worst parenting fear…
- Roaming — sustainablemum considers whether allowing your children freedom to explore the world safely is harder now than in the past.
- Meeting my parenting fears head-on — Lauren at Hobo Mama had many fears before she became a parent. Learn how they all came true — and weren’t anywhere near as scary as she’d thought.
- Don’t fear the tears — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger worried that letting her children cry when going to sleep was tantamount to the dreaded parenting moniker, CIO. She discusses what actually happened after those teary nights, and how she hopes these lessons can carry forward to future parenting opportunities.
- Will I Still be a Good Mom? — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot worries about her mothering skills now that breastfeeding is no longer the top priority.
- Pregnancy Fears: It Happened to My Sisters, It Will Happen to Me… — Kristen at Country Fit Family discusses the difficulties with pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding that the women in her family have had and how she overcame them.
- Fears — Meegs at A New Day talks about how her fears before parenting led to a better understanding of herself and her desires for her daughter.